Scientific Breakthrough-Heaviest Element Known to Science: Governmentium
Governmentium
PRESS RELEASE (Author Unknown)
http://positivelyright.com
A major research institution (MRI) has recently announced the
identification and classification of the heaviest chemical element
yet known to science.
The new element has been tentatively named Governmentium.
Governmentium has —
1 neutron,
12 assistant neutrons,
75 deputy neutrons,
and 224 assistant deputy neutrons,
giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which
are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.
Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be
detected as it impedes every reaction with which it comes in contact.
A minute amount of Governmentium causes reactions that are normally
completed in less than a second, to take from four days to more than
four years.
Governmentium has a nominal half-life of two years; however it does not
actually decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion
of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact,
Governmentium’s mass actually increases over time, since each reorgan-
ization will cause some morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron-promotion leads some scientists to speculate
that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity
in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass.
When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium,
an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium with
only half as many peons but twice as many morons.
So far, scientists have been able to discover almost no useful function for
this intriguing and ubiquitous element.
